girl!

Things I've Been Taught By My Daughter

After having had three boys, I never really expected that this would be something that I would ever get to write. Nonetheless, fortune smiles upon us and so this will become the record of what my little girl teaches me.

That sleeping in a bed, far from being a safe and comfortable experience, is in fact an open invitation for three foot tall beings to torture and punish you. That parenthood is probably one of the only roles in life where you will find yourself playing poke the vomit down the drain hole whilst standing naked in the laundry at 3am. But even more astoundingly ... you don’t actually want to give any of it up.

That 5 hours sleep is enough reinvigoration that following a round of vomiting, when the body is feeling better, you can chatter aimlessly and happily to your exhausted father for half an hour straight when his only reason for being in the room is to settle you down and get you off to sleep

That despite the fact that you’ve seen it all before, you will still be amazed at either how far vomit from a small child can go, or how much of a bucket can be filled with the stuff.

That in addition to clamouring for your attention when you are on the telephone, little girls will in fact, insist on taking the phone from you to say hello and babble indiscriminately at the person on the other end.

That the female ability to multi-task begins when little girls wander about the room imitating their mothers, playing and wandering about whilst having a phone clamped between ear and shoulder and babbling incoherently at the same time.

That despite any prior example being set, a squeal pitched somewhere between ouch and excruciating must be both part of the female genetic make-up and fun to apply.

That there need be no particular reason to unleash said squeal.

That despite spending adolescent years spent trying to access girl’s bits, when it comes to changing a nappy, boys bits are infinitely preferred.

That little girls are just as happy as little boys to frolick about the house devoid of clothing.

That it is never too young to start coveting and obsessing over shoes.

That just because you’re the youngest and a girl at that, there is no reason to think that you won’t be the ruler of all that you survey. And if you can survey more from the top of a table then that would be the ideal place to survey from.

That the whole incessant talking thing might just be gender based after all!

That a pint-sized child no more than 2 feet tall will occupy a space of disproportionate size when occupying your bed. To the point that its easier to leave her there and occupy her bed in retaliation.