Open for Inspection - Part 2

There are times when I’ve probably been considered to be over-sharing information. Just so you’re warned; this is likely one of them.

As noted previously, I left work early enough to go home and go through the preparation process in the splendour that is home rather than at the office. I had been considering attending soccer training prior to the actual experience though I was a little concerned that my energy levels would be low having not eaten for most of the day.

The time came around for the first part of a 3 step process of ingesting ‘cleansing agents’ for want of a better word and I mixed up this substance that looked kind of like milky water. After staring suspiciously at it for a while, I faced my demons and skulled it. I couldn’t face the thought of starting slowly only to find out that I couldn’t stand it and yet be faced with the ingesting the remainder.

It was probably a wise choice. Although not overly offensive in terms of taste, it didn’t sit particularly well and did rebel enough to put the thought of puking in my mind. I managed not to though and went back to sitting around to wait for it to take effect.

Well before we reached that point though I had to go through preparation ‘b’; another concoction that this time had to be drunk over the course of an hour … a whole litre of it.

It had a kind of lemon flavour to it was a little more viscous than water and quite simply, didn’t hold any sort of appeal at all. A bit later again and I had to do a second dose of preparation ‘a’. Second time around I knew what to expect. The fear of the unknown had been resolved only to be replaced by the fear of the memory that was still so recent in my mind. I survived.

Then it was back to the waiting. It’s not a fun waiting time because you know what is supposed to happen. You’re just not quite sure how long it will take or just exactly how it’s going to be.

We’ll chalk it up as ‘not fun’. You know those horror days in your life when you manage to contract diarrhoea and can poop through the eye of a needle? When you have no choice but to shit even though its really only going to produce a warm stream of unpleasantness from the anus? Yeah, well now you’re getting the picture. Now you know how I spent the rest of the night. Afraid to fart because quite simply, nothing good was going to come of the experience, not wanting to crap but having too, knowing exactly what’s coming out and knowing that as much as you might like to hope so, it’s not the last time.

Caroline and the kids ate dinner, I hid in another room, biding my time between visits to the dunny and wishing that it was all happening to someone else. At least I was eventually allowed to sleep.

I’d hoped that by morning I’d have been done with it all because I’d cleansed the system enough the night before. Such wishful thinking! Of course I wasn’t done. I was mostly done, but like Miracle Max said, mostly dead isn’t all dead. Neither is mostly done all done.

Eventually it was time to go in for the actual inspection.

Having undressed the lower portions of my body and donned that stunning piece of attire that is the hospital gown, I was wheeled into the room where all the action was to take place. The anaesthetist stuck a needle in my vein, pumped something into it and waited a while to ask me if I was feeling sleepy (I was supposed to be sedated, not complete zonked). I hadn’t noticed a thing and told him as much. This resulted in something else being stuck in my vein and beyond that I really don’t recall a thing until I woke in the recovery room. I’m quite happy about that, as should you be. It means no graphic description of the actual inspection itself.

After a while, when I felt less woozy I got to see the specialist who advised that they’d only found a single polyp that had been removed and that would be sent to the lab for analysis. Only one is possibly good, none would have been better. And couldn’t he have asked if I wanted to see it rather than just waving the little sample jar in front of me?

Then came the rest of the day which involved eating again at last as well as waiting for that joyful moment when would be able to once again let rip with a joyful toot without fear of soiling myself! What a wonderful moment it was.

Now it’s the wait for the results.